I'm afraid that I really don't have much to say. But I will try not to let that stop me from writing. I just spent some time reading Joy's birth story and it has left me bothered. Bothered because I don't know what to do with my emotions so i just sort of ignore them. I want to run to her and share her pain yet my own awkwardness with grief and loss prevent me from doing so. I wish I wasn't so weirded out about what to say and just say something. Lately i've been spending so much time thinking that I have a headache everyday. And I never get headaches. Do you ever try to figure out something so intensely your brain hurts?? This is my life but I'm not sure what i"m trying to figure out. Motherhood I guess and who I am now. Maybe moreso what to do with my time. I need to do something other than think though. We don't have a budget for Tylenol Extra Strength at the moment. sigh. this too shall pass. I need to call up Joy and say Hi. good night