Guess who...

Hello just wanted to do a quickie post as I sneak some time on the computer.

My girls are doing great at nights, almost 1 week of consistency. Katie is sleeping 9 hours straight (best baby ever) and Maddie gets up only once now and settles easily within 20 minutes. Very manageable and so exciting.

June has been an out of the house month for me and the girls. We spent half a week at my mother in laws visiting and then almost a week and a half at my parents just vacationing. I set up a pool on the front lawn and told Emma we were at the lake. Once I figure out how to post pictures I will post little emma in her Dora bathing suit. I came home quite refreshed with lots of thoughts I wanted to write about. However I don't know where the scrap of paper is I scribbled them on is...

Looking terribly forward to summer. Please feel free to come for a visit to Altona. We have a great pool in town for kids and our deck and backyard feel like your at the cottage. Day vacation's in Altona welcome!

Ron and Marsha thanks for the postcard. So good to hear from you guys... still meaning to call and catch up...

That's all for now. I'm looking forward to getting back in the habit of regularly airing my thoughts on my blog....

bye

Freedom

I heard a fabulous message at church the other week and it was on FREEDOM. It really got me thinking about what freedom truly is. And that maybe the freedom I've been searching for, holding out for isn't the freedom that Christ has for me.

Darlene went through all the ways our world views freedom..."freedom 55, economic freedom, political/social freedom-free to vote, freedom of speech, the sexual revolution to be free, psycological freedom in dealing with our "past", freedom of choice of a spouse/car/career... etc..

We're all about freedom in our society. Didn't you all just dream of what you would do when you moved out from your parents? Freedom is a goal our society values. I'm just not sure this is the freedom that christ died for, that cost him so much.

When I think of what true freedom means to me, it looks alot like perfection. To me to be free would be to have no more "issues" that tangle me up. I'd know how to handle every situation, i'd be free to speak my mind, i'd be free from the lies that keep me living in fear. I'd be able to give money away without it being an issue that our bills may not get paid. I wouldn't be needy any more and be able to do things on my own, figure things out without inconveniencing others with my troubles or messy little life. I want to be free from fear, free from pain, free from others, free from hiccups in the road. Free?

I couldn't help but think about God's funny ways of his upside down kingdom. Where he says to die to yourself is to really live. Where Christ's horrible Death on the cross = Life for us. Where to give is better to receive. Where the first shall be last and the last first. Where blessed are the poor. Where the rich young ruler is asked to give it all away.

And it dawned on me. I never think like God thinks. I much prefer to receive. I much prefer to be rich. I'd think the rich young ruler keeping it all and setting up some nice orphanages and counselling services would be a much better use of the money than just giving it away to people who may not spend it wisely. He's rich, he knows how to spend wisely doesnt' me? poor is bad. Poor means you haven't worked hard enough, your lazy, your unmotivated to make a better life for yourself, your stuck in your addictions. Are these the poor Jesus talks about or is he talking about the minority of poor who are immigrants, who just can't get a leg up, who try all they can and just can't get ahead. Well those poor in my head should be blessed, but ALL the poor? The squeegee guy who should just get a job? And really I think I can sometimes do it myself. That I don't need God's grace and salvation. I can work hard enough to earn it, or even to not need it. I can be kind, I can be generous, I can figure out what's wrong with me and read the right book to know how to fix it, fix me. I can live just fine without "dying to myself" - myself isn't really that bad is it now.

My ways when I get right down to it are not God's. My thoughts are not his. So then why do I think the way I see freedom and what it really could mean for me is what God sees or means? I haven't been right so far.

What if God's freedom looks like DEPENDENCE. What if God's freedom looks like NEEDING, like NOT HAVING IT ALL TOGETHER. Like having problems and road bumps all the time. What if freedom is having BOUNDARIES, having somethings that are NO's to us. Like health, like wealth, like un-handicapped kids, like problem free families. Maybe the things we fight against to be free from are really the things God had in mind to bring us freedom. True freedom. His freedom. Makes me look at my life differently. makes me stop struggling to be FREE from them.

Coming up to 12 weeks

Hello friends. I sure miss blogging more regularly as an outlet to all my thoughts. But me and the girls have some fascinating discussions that keep me engaged intelectually! Lately it sounds more like this "moi, moi, phft, phft" as I make noises at the girls trying to get them to coo. Kate is really into talking and all she needs is a face to engage her. She's our (dare I say ) easy baby. Unfortunately for her the "easy baby" role has resulted in her starting to get a flat head since she is so content to sit in her swing, on her playmat, in the crib all in the same position. We've now brought out the exersaucer to help with alternate positions but poor thing, doesn't look good for her. Maddie's head is nice and round because she most prefers being held. And since I most prefer her not screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs we indulge.

We are almost at the 12 week mark and doing better than just surviving. We hit a major milestone this past week when both girls slept 7 hours AT THE SAME TIME through the night. This was only shadowed by the fact that Emma was up twice during that time. Seems you just can't win as a parent... when the girls are up, Emma sleeps, when they sleep Emma's up.

Ron I appreciated your comment about the final diaper. I can't even envision that yet for the twins! Emma officially potty trained herself by my lazy-get someone else to do it- parenting style. She basically came home from the babysitters place where her playmate 6 months younger was trained after her mom took a week off work to do so. She gets jelly beans to go on the potty so Emma told me and then asked if she could get jelly beans if she went pee on the potty. I agreed and after about 12 jelly beans she is done. No drama, no setting my timer, no more pet-type accidents on my carpet. However I do carry the shame of me not being one of those mom's to "work" at it and "be consistent" as the books say. The funny thing was I was really beating up on myself for not having tried harder to get her potty trained before the twins came (when I actually had time and energy?) since she was on the verge of turning 3. I felt like a loser mom and then it just tail spins out of control from there to just being a loser in general. But a few days later this jelly bean encounter came up and it happened like I hoped it would, her letting me know when she was really interested, me not pushing it making myself crazy, and it getting done fairly quickly without me needing to get new carpets. In the end it's better than I could have expected, it just took some patience to get here and now I'm glad I didn't try to force it earlier. It's just too bad I thought I was a loser.

So, how are we doing this twins thing? people are often asking us. It's fairly flexible in regards to what I need by the week. We've been receiving meals from our church 3 times a week up till this past week which has been so super helpful. Just taking that stress off of us. Then we are open to receiving any help anyone is willing to give. It's been a beautiful opportunity to build relationships with people we may not have had the chance to get to know otherwise. And everyone is so into holding babies it's been truly awesome to go places because there is always someone who swears they really don't mind. We have our folks out every week or other week for a few days to just help with the housework and then I do my errands or treat myself to some alone time. Emma's into playdates now so she's going various places at least twice a week. I've spent a week at my folks place for a "vacation". And we ask our single friends to hang out with us in the evenings to help settle the girls while we put Emma to bed or if it's been a long day. We've even had a few "sleep overs" where our friends settle the babies while I go to bed to get a bit of an uninterrupted stretch.

What I've been realizing through this experience is to invite someone into my need is to invite them into relationship with me. We have connected with alot of the single folks at church and these have been the majority of friends we have been asking for help in the evenings. Moreso because I know they have the time and I don't feel bad about taking them away from whatever it is they could be doing. It's been awesome for us because we don't feel isolated at all, we are getting help with "the Load", we are deepening our friendships, we are having some fabulous discussions, I get the inside scoop on the life of a twenty something which I LOVE and I feel like I can give back to them by sharing a meal, sharing our family and sharing our life with them. Unfortunately I feel bad that I am not deepening other existing friendships in the same way. But the hardest thing to do is to ask someone to help when you know their plate is already full. It's not about hearing a "NO" but rather about not putting someone in a position that I just don't think is fair. So I don't ask my friends with kids for help because I feel their plates are full enough. And it seems there is never a good time in my head for them to "have spare time" to help. I just wish I could bring the two together... to invite into my need and develop a deeper relationship without feeling like I'm just taking and stressing out someone else. The beauty of community. Not easy to figure out.

So that's how we're doing it. It's working for us and I'm really enjoying this stage of motherhood with little ones. It seemed much more of a struggle with my first child and maybe it was because I tried to do it all alone. Whatever the case may be this isn't what I thought it would look like. I'm laughing more, leaving the house more, actually showering leisurely at times, alive in my mind, and getting spit up on and pooped on in the most memorable places. This is our journey at the moment.