Mayhem and Motherhood: Coming up to 12 weeks

Friday, June 02, 2006

Coming up to 12 weeks

Hello friends. I sure miss blogging more regularly as an outlet to all my thoughts. But me and the girls have some fascinating discussions that keep me engaged intelectually! Lately it sounds more like this "moi, moi, phft, phft" as I make noises at the girls trying to get them to coo. Kate is really into talking and all she needs is a face to engage her. She's our (dare I say ) easy baby. Unfortunately for her the "easy baby" role has resulted in her starting to get a flat head since she is so content to sit in her swing, on her playmat, in the crib all in the same position. We've now brought out the exersaucer to help with alternate positions but poor thing, doesn't look good for her. Maddie's head is nice and round because she most prefers being held. And since I most prefer her not screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs we indulge.

We are almost at the 12 week mark and doing better than just surviving. We hit a major milestone this past week when both girls slept 7 hours AT THE SAME TIME through the night. This was only shadowed by the fact that Emma was up twice during that time. Seems you just can't win as a parent... when the girls are up, Emma sleeps, when they sleep Emma's up.

Ron I appreciated your comment about the final diaper. I can't even envision that yet for the twins! Emma officially potty trained herself by my lazy-get someone else to do it- parenting style. She basically came home from the babysitters place where her playmate 6 months younger was trained after her mom took a week off work to do so. She gets jelly beans to go on the potty so Emma told me and then asked if she could get jelly beans if she went pee on the potty. I agreed and after about 12 jelly beans she is done. No drama, no setting my timer, no more pet-type accidents on my carpet. However I do carry the shame of me not being one of those mom's to "work" at it and "be consistent" as the books say. The funny thing was I was really beating up on myself for not having tried harder to get her potty trained before the twins came (when I actually had time and energy?) since she was on the verge of turning 3. I felt like a loser mom and then it just tail spins out of control from there to just being a loser in general. But a few days later this jelly bean encounter came up and it happened like I hoped it would, her letting me know when she was really interested, me not pushing it making myself crazy, and it getting done fairly quickly without me needing to get new carpets. In the end it's better than I could have expected, it just took some patience to get here and now I'm glad I didn't try to force it earlier. It's just too bad I thought I was a loser.

So, how are we doing this twins thing? people are often asking us. It's fairly flexible in regards to what I need by the week. We've been receiving meals from our church 3 times a week up till this past week which has been so super helpful. Just taking that stress off of us. Then we are open to receiving any help anyone is willing to give. It's been a beautiful opportunity to build relationships with people we may not have had the chance to get to know otherwise. And everyone is so into holding babies it's been truly awesome to go places because there is always someone who swears they really don't mind. We have our folks out every week or other week for a few days to just help with the housework and then I do my errands or treat myself to some alone time. Emma's into playdates now so she's going various places at least twice a week. I've spent a week at my folks place for a "vacation". And we ask our single friends to hang out with us in the evenings to help settle the girls while we put Emma to bed or if it's been a long day. We've even had a few "sleep overs" where our friends settle the babies while I go to bed to get a bit of an uninterrupted stretch.

What I've been realizing through this experience is to invite someone into my need is to invite them into relationship with me. We have connected with alot of the single folks at church and these have been the majority of friends we have been asking for help in the evenings. Moreso because I know they have the time and I don't feel bad about taking them away from whatever it is they could be doing. It's been awesome for us because we don't feel isolated at all, we are getting help with "the Load", we are deepening our friendships, we are having some fabulous discussions, I get the inside scoop on the life of a twenty something which I LOVE and I feel like I can give back to them by sharing a meal, sharing our family and sharing our life with them. Unfortunately I feel bad that I am not deepening other existing friendships in the same way. But the hardest thing to do is to ask someone to help when you know their plate is already full. It's not about hearing a "NO" but rather about not putting someone in a position that I just don't think is fair. So I don't ask my friends with kids for help because I feel their plates are full enough. And it seems there is never a good time in my head for them to "have spare time" to help. I just wish I could bring the two together... to invite into my need and develop a deeper relationship without feeling like I'm just taking and stressing out someone else. The beauty of community. Not easy to figure out.

So that's how we're doing it. It's working for us and I'm really enjoying this stage of motherhood with little ones. It seemed much more of a struggle with my first child and maybe it was because I tried to do it all alone. Whatever the case may be this isn't what I thought it would look like. I'm laughing more, leaving the house more, actually showering leisurely at times, alive in my mind, and getting spit up on and pooped on in the most memorable places. This is our journey at the moment.
Rhonda at 1:00 AM


Blogger kristi said...

It sounds like you guys are doing so well! I'm pumped to hear that!
...I got a little update on the twin life from Jon when he made it out to Sanctuary a few weeks back....
As for the potty-training thing, that was how my mom did it to. She let us initiate. That seems to work for some kids! Way to go!

6:30 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Rhonda...I always appreciate your openness, honesty and REALNESS of every situation, being it hurtful or joyful - to just speak the truth on how you feel. You are a gifted writer too and I hope that you write a book one day called "The meanderings of Rhonda...don't worry, this won't hurt a bit" :)

Your FREEDOM to express who you are in any given moment allows OTHERS to be free in the same way. It's vulnerability and humility at it's best and that's one of the reasons why you are my friend. I miss you and miss hanging out with you. Life is at a peak for me out here and I would love to invite to my mountain top experience :) When the twins are one, book yourself a vacation to see me, just you...and we'll have a blast!! Rhonda and Jen in the south bay - watch out all you beach bum Cali folk, here comes the Mennonites :) Miss you my friend!!

1:44 PM  
Blogger Christa said...

You never cease to amaze me :) It is so fun (and inspiring) to read your blog. I love how you are having time to process some deeper stuff than just peeing, pooping and eating!! Way to stay more alive than "just surviving".
You are my hero!

1:45 PM  
Blogger Ron said...

Interesting about "what the books say" and diapers. Marsha and I did absolutely nothing when it comes to potty training. We were the worst. However, our logic was this: Do you know any adults that wear diapers? I mean outside of gamblers wearing Attends. Our boys finally trained at 4!!

9:19 PM  
Blogger Deanna Momtchilov said...

You rock, girl! Parenthood - what a journey! :) Glad to hear you're enjoying it even in the midst of the chaos. Sorry I missed you the other day! Hope to see you again soon?

3:04 PM  

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