So yesterday was a good day. Maybe because I spent the day playing with a 5 year old who's new favorite phase is "what the..." and I did a minimal amount of housework. I had a long good talk with my husband last night. About many things. He wants a truck. He could really use a truck. Does he NEED a truck? He thinks so, I wish he could just use what we have. A reliable tercel that doesn't fit anything my husband ever buys at home depot. But what does having things that fit your life the way you wish do except make life easier and hopefully more enjoyable. My point exactly, he can do without a truck. His point, maybe life was meant to live from a place of vision and possibility creating that reality rather than just managing with what you have. I hate when he so... unarguably makes more sense than I do. The main reason I am hesitant about this purchase is because we literally do not have the money to buy a truck. I hate debt and have been raised to avoid it at all costs... funny how I value this freedom more than living a life that is potentially less stressful and more enjoyable. The reason I hate debt is (per our conversation last night it dawned on me) totally because I'm afraid of not getting out of it. My husbands point, me of all people should have the confidence in myself to believe I will ALWAYS get out of debt and it could be a means to a life I/he wants. Instead of wishing things could be different in my life and actually making a sacrifice to change it, I am more apt to just put up with it the way it is and try to be satisfied. This value interestingly enough affects every aspect of how I live including conflict, knowing what I want,(whatever I get should be "good enough" even if I don't like it) making ANY decision, and unfortunately dreaming. Do you know how often I say, "it doesn't matter, whatever" from what to eat for supper, to baby paraphanalia, to clothing, to toilet paper, to what my husband wants to do and how he does it. What a cop out. Letting and forcing others to make the decision for you. and does it matter, sometimes it doesn't but more often than not I'm beginning to think it does. So what do you do about it when you realize there is room for change but you have no frigging idea how to be different. I guess you just learn a different way. Life is about process right?.... is this to deep? Unfortunately and fortunately it's what I have to offer. tata