Mayhem and Motherhood: Weekly Post

Monday, October 20, 2003

Weekly Post

O.k. So I think the best I might get is a weekly update. But at least I"m trying. So, motherhood as of late doesn't seem to have as much mayhem in it. I was just thinking that as I was logging into my site.

I've really been enjoying my peanut the last couple days and getting so much joy out of every little smile and all of her advances. She really is a terrific little kid. I am a really lucky girl to have her in my life.

I already thank her for coming into my life. I hope to do this the rest of her life so she always knows she is special and cared for and loved. This is because I'm such a touchy feeler kinda person. I have the need to express what I feel to the people I love. Still working on expressing the "unmentionable" emotions because they are not nice.

A friend of mine was sharing a message she heard at her church about the verse "I wish you were either hot or cold. If you are lukewarm I will spit you out of my mouth" Rhonda's translation. And she was thinking to herself what does lukewarm look like to me and she realized it was niceness. Don't you think that's profound. Being "nice" is not offending, not being honest, not being sincere, not disagreeing. It's just "nice".

tonight I am tired. it's been a busy day. too busy to use capitals anymore. had my journalling class today. it was pretty fun. my favorite part was the painting like we were in grade one. i really wished i had a smock and an easel like we did back then.

i think they should start kindergarden classes for adults. to learn how to play again. maybe that's what parenthood is. an all day, all week, all night class on being a kid and playing through life. i really hope i'm a good mom. i want my kid to be able to talk to me and tell me what's going on inside of her. i'm sure it'll break my heart when she tells me to mind my own business, or puts a "do not enter" sign on her door and keeps it closed all the time. But i'm so sure it doesn't have to be like this or even may never be like this. i just hope it doesn't. i hope our stages are worked through with communication.

we went to a cottage for a night this week. it had a hot tub on the patio outside. it was divine running out into the cold air at night and getting warmed by the bubbling water. the best is when you get so hot that it's actually refreshing to be out of the water in the cool air. funny thing. i have a sore throat at the moment that's been really bugging me. probably got it from that relaxing time cooling off in the midnight air. why do all the fun things in life have to have consequences. like sex. you get babies. not that their bad but it's a heavier responsibility. like chocolate you can get thicker thighs. can you think of anything fun that doesn't have a heavier consequence. maybe that's what makes them fun is the risk involved. maybe not. till next week.
Rhonda at 10:20 PM