I love my kid
I'm just emailing and surfing while emma is on the couch behind me talking away to the t.v. or singing along whatever comes to mind. and I smile and think "what a great kid." I really enjoy her as a little person and I'm not sure if it's because she is MY KID or because she JUST IS a great kid or because I just happen to know her more than any other kid and all this fascinating behavior just makes her great. Not sure.
But it got me thinking that I don't like everybody. funny enough, just a few people have I come across in my life that it's been hard to like or tolerate or even empathize with. At the moment Jon has a friend who is this person to me. And it really bugs me that I have such a hard time tolerating him or even enjoying his company. I'm not sure if it's a personality thing and we're just different or if it's that I can't connect with him like I usually can with others and it frustrates me that he won't let me into his life, or that he possibly isn't self aware enough to know the answers to the questions i ask. whatever it is, I feel bad that it is this way.
And this thought got me thinking (not worrying) about having a child who was potentially more difficult for me to enjoy than the others. I'm sure over the span of their teenage and young adult years each of my kids will fall into this category, the "GRIT AND BEAR IT LOVE" . is that really a kind of love though? Every possible answer I have is just followed by another question.
But my challenge with this guy is I've been thinking of talking to him about it. I'm sure he picks up on it when i'm around, and it's not like he's ever done anything specific that i'm holding against him. I don't know how else to let him know I'd like to like him and there's something that makes it quite difficult for me. Interestingly enough I think this guy maybe gets this alot. He's a little socially awkward, and I don't know if he's ever found his niche.
But do I really have the guts to be honest with him? I totally risk hurting his feelings (which I value way too much) but there is no relationship really to be damaged so I guess I don't have alot to lose. So now I wait for the guts and the opportunity.
But it got me thinking that I don't like everybody. funny enough, just a few people have I come across in my life that it's been hard to like or tolerate or even empathize with. At the moment Jon has a friend who is this person to me. And it really bugs me that I have such a hard time tolerating him or even enjoying his company. I'm not sure if it's a personality thing and we're just different or if it's that I can't connect with him like I usually can with others and it frustrates me that he won't let me into his life, or that he possibly isn't self aware enough to know the answers to the questions i ask. whatever it is, I feel bad that it is this way.
And this thought got me thinking (not worrying) about having a child who was potentially more difficult for me to enjoy than the others. I'm sure over the span of their teenage and young adult years each of my kids will fall into this category, the "GRIT AND BEAR IT LOVE" . is that really a kind of love though? Every possible answer I have is just followed by another question.
But my challenge with this guy is I've been thinking of talking to him about it. I'm sure he picks up on it when i'm around, and it's not like he's ever done anything specific that i'm holding against him. I don't know how else to let him know I'd like to like him and there's something that makes it quite difficult for me. Interestingly enough I think this guy maybe gets this alot. He's a little socially awkward, and I don't know if he's ever found his niche.
But do I really have the guts to be honest with him? I totally risk hurting his feelings (which I value way too much) but there is no relationship really to be damaged so I guess I don't have alot to lose. So now I wait for the guts and the opportunity.
3 Comments:
Hey Rhonda Congratulations!
Just wanted to say a quick 'hello'.
I miss you & Yvonne terribly. not sure if being able to read your blogs make it better or worse...
if only I could forget that I once had such great friends.
So much of what you write I can totally identify with. My son is 9 and I still look at him and think I'm going to burst cause he's so awesome.
Anyhow, just wanted to say hi cause I was thinking about you ...missing you
All the best with your new wee one :)
Personally, I think you will think your "new" kids are as awesome as you think Emma is. I don't think you could ever not like your kids, its just not how you're made.
Oh, there will be MOMENTS (we all have those moments where we want to be anywhere except in the presence of this kid...AHHHHH!) but overall you are a kid-loving mom!
I know what you mean about certain other people though...sometimes I just wish I was like Jesus and full of LOVE for everyone whether I like them or not...HOWEVER...
I'm not.
Yet.
Boy can I relate to the video stuff! The first words out of Simeon's mouth when he wakes up are: "we watch it?" At which point he proceeds to list all the videos he wants to watch (several Veggie Tales, the Grinch, Fox & Hound, Franklin, Winnie the Pooh, etc.). I say no videos first thing in the morning, so he brings me a different one. After about 10 of these I feel like I'm going crazy! He cries and goes on every time I say no. Please tell me this is just a phase and he won't become a TV couch potato! I admit that I have allowed him to watch more than 1 video/day lately. Mostly it's when I'm trying to get stuff done and he is showing "love" to his baby sister (which usually means waving toys in front of her face and accidentally hitting her, squeezing her, trying to hold her hand and yanking it out of socket, etc.)
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